| Fredagskul Kan inte låta bli att dela med mig av lite knäppa varningstexter så här på fredagen... On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be .. how??) On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (!!!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: printed on the bottom of the box)--Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure???) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time???) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts!) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to outer space or underground) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Hmmmm, now I'm curious) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (no comment) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (what is going on here?) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (as if you try to stop *anything* with your genitals) |
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| 2001-05-18 | 11:46:48 | AB | |
| Eftersom jag känner mig så helspexig idag tar vi en rolig historia också: En man går till doktorn för en komplett undersökning. Han har inte mått bra den senaste tiden och är orolig för att han kan vara allvarligt sjuk. Efter undersökningen kommer doktorn ut med resultatet av undersökningen. ”Jag är ledsen att behöva säga det här, men jag har tyvärr dåliga nyheter”, säger läkaren. ”Du är döende och har inte långt kvar att leva.” ”Åh nej, det är hemskt”, utbrister mannen. ”Hur lång tid har jag kvar?” ”Tio”, svarar läkaren. ”Tio? Tio vad? Månader? Veckor? Vad?, frågar mannen desperat.” ”Nio…” |
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| 2001-05-18 | 11:58:46 | AB | |
| Äh vi drar än till när vi ändå är på gång: Göran dör och anländer till helvetet. Han möts av djävulen som berättar att alla som kommer till helvetet tvingas att välja mellan en rad olika tortyrformer som de ska utsättas för. Tortyren pågår i tusen år och det finns ingen möjlighet att slippa undan. Djävulen leder Göran in rum fyllda av tortyrformer, de ena värre än de andra. Till slut kommer de in i ett rum där en ung, snygg, kvinnlig student utför oralsex på en man som är i full färd med att dricka öl. ”Nu börjar det likna nåt”, säger Göran till Djävulen. ”Är du säker”, svarar Djävulen. ”Tänk på att det varar i tusen år!” ”Jepp”, svarar Göran. Djävulen går glatt fram till den unga kvinnan och säger: ”Du kan gå nu, jag har hittat din ersättare”. |
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| 2001-05-18 | 12:02:22 | AB | |
| Tryck på skaftet på en tandborste från Konsum: Tandborste. | |
| 2001-05-18 | 12:45:21 | Hanna | |
| Jag vill också vara med! Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick." |
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| 2001-05-18 | 20:06:26 | Sussie | |
| Och igen! (om ni orkar läsa...) TO MY DEAR WIFE: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: * 54 times the sheets were clean * 17 times it was too late * 49 times you were too tired * 20 times it was too hot * 15 times you pretended to be sleep * 22 times you had a headache * 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby * 16 times you said you were too sore * 12 times it was the wrong time of the month * 19 times you had to get up early * 9 times you said weren't in the mood * 7 times you were sunburned * 6 times you were watching the late show * 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo * 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us * 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: * 6 times you just laid there * 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling * 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with * 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished * 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: * 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat * 36 times you did not come home at all * 21 times you didn't cum * 33 times you came too soon * 19 times you went soft before you got in * 38 times you worked too late * 10 times you got cramps in your toes * 29 times you had to get up early to play golf * 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls * 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper * 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running * 2 times you had a splinter in your finger * 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day * 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book * 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. |
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| 2001-05-18 | 20:14:57 | Sussie | |
| http://us.imdb.com/Name?Cobain,+Kurt Kanske inte så passande text på bilden... |
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| 2001-05-22 | 12:49:33 | mandorf | |
| Vanebildande spel: http://www.vectorinternet.co.uk/games/kick-ups.html |
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| 2001-05-25 | 15:45:35 | mandorf | |
| http://www.usecases.org/ Intressant namnførklaring (uttal). |
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| 2001-05-29 | 14:36:05 | Okmark | |
| hehehe | |
| 2001-05-30 | 10:01:22 | AB | |
| Ingen har väl ungått att se att Honda ska lansera en ny bilmodell som heter Fitta. Här är nog en som är intresserad av att ha den bilen i sin shop. | |
| 2001-05-30 | 17:17:16 | mandorf | |
| ...blir lite roligare om man inkluderar länken: http://www.faircar.de/pubnew/plsql/de/provider_display.home?provid=1003647 |
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| 2001-05-30 | 19:02:08 | mandorf | |
| Hade jag bil skulle jag reparera den dær. Det ær ju en grym affærsidé - læmna in bilen så sætter vi på dig medan du væntar! | |
| 2001-05-31 | 09:32:56 | Okmark | |
| För jämlikhetens skull borde ju det lanseras en Nissan Ståkuk också, så kan man få rabatt hos herr Knull om man lämnar in en bil av varje kön.... | |
| 2001-05-31 | 09:50:50 | AB | |
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